How Being an Entrepreneur made me a Better Person

When I  started out in business, I was a very stubborn person. My two business partners and I would often get stuck in meetings; embroiled in painful arguments over minor details for hours. And to be honest, I suspect it might have been me who created those situations by having to win an argument and prove I was right. What constituted a proper business signature? How should we argue? What do we call this product? It went on and on, and no surprise - that partnership did not last. We had very different aims and ideas, true. But the partnership ended in acrimony. It required mediation for us to find  a solution to the end of what had been a so very exciting and hopeful collaboration in the beginning. Without them to help me launch it, I might never have had the wherewithal or the courage to start  the business. But I was proud and self-righteous, and eventually all I saw in them both were obstacles in my path forward.

Despite my flaws, the business survived and thrived. My next partnership lasted over 20 years, ending only with the demise of the company. Obviously I had learned something. I am sure that years of raising children and navigating a marriage also helped soften me and make me more self-aware. The rigidity of my thinking and my need to be right and have all the answers, transformed over time into a mindset that was more conducive to working with others to build a business.

My business was my learning and training ground for almost 30 years, and I am so grateful for all the lessons, and especially for how it taught me what business has the potential to be. I learned that business can be a force for good in the world. In fact, I believe that all organizational life can be a force for good and a vehicle for positive social change. But from my personal experience, and also from many years of working in and with other organizations, I have learned that whether or not this is borne out in an organization really depends on the leader and how their experiences mold their character. In my case, the hard lessons of small business ownership opened my mind and heart, and made me more self-aware and more humble.

Over the course of growing my company, I had begun to understand how solidly the path of business and leadership lies in human connection. I could not have done any of it alone. I  had big dreams - and the farther I went, the bigger they got. I needed help. I needed the wisdom, energy, perspective and passion of other people. And I learned that in order to have that, I needed to be a better person - more open, more appreciative, and yes, humbler.

How could I accomplish what my vision encompassed without help? I needed help in the form of money and investment, and partnership. I also needed people power - to do the accounting, run the machines and repair them, ship products, and do all the things like graphic art that I could not do well on my own. I needed clients and suppliers to trust me and invest in my company by working with me. I also cultivated relationships with my competitors - because it makes us smaller to fight, and larger when we unite. I focused on advancing our industry rather than discrediting the others within it.  All of these things involved learning how to connect with people and sustain productive and collaborative relationships with them. Give and take.

I learned to listen to the ideas of others and be more responsive and respectful. I began to appreciate different perspectives more, and hire for them. I learned to create opportunities for the people we hired to share those perspectives, change things, and shape our mission. Most importantly, I learned not to blame people when mistakes occurred. Mistakes became opportunities  to improve policies, processes, and protocols. I took responsibility for what I had overlooked, and apologized when I needed to. I learned to be clear about roles and expectations so that the people who worked with me were not standing on shaky ground, or uncertain about what was appropriate or acceptable in our organization. And I learned to communicate directly and in a timely manner to address difficult issues (hard one for me).

Over the years I grew my business from one that fit into the front room of my family's apartment to a multi-million dollar company with a factory, 2 warehouses, 2 retail stores, and customers and suppliers all over the world. My story is typical  of many entrepreneurs - with glorious upswings and depressing downward dives and crashes. But when the initial business story ended, I picked myself up from the ashes and pain and went on to shape what I had learned into another story.

I went back to university and obtained a master's degree - and discovered that what I had learned about leadership by building and leading a successful company was accepted wisdom - in theory. However, as I began working with other organizations, I realized that leaders more often than not lacked the confidence, knowledge, and tools to be the kind of leader people need. They may have passion, expertise, and a vision in mind - but they were afraid to open their hearts to the connections that organizational life depends on.

It is hard for leaders to trust the theories about how to do things differently. After all, what we learn throughout our lives in schools, universities, churches, and workplaces, is that winning means that we dominate the field. We are so accustomed to the idea that leadership means having all the answers and that our job is to tell people what to do and how to do it, and to discipline with consequences like termination when they do not. But that is an exhausting way to work - and I believe that it drains our creativity - both as individuals and as organizations (which are really... people). Enforcing control and discipline is much, much harder than creating a workplace where people want to contribute their best ideas and efforts, and where they are extended trust and the autonomy to do their job. Coaching and empowering others, and letting them shine is a choice which in my experience, contributes to our own success.

As leaders, we are continually presented with ethical challenges. When we commit to a set of values and a lofty mission, we need to decide on a daily basis if we will walk that talk, or if we will take shortcuts, smudge the truth, and tell half lies to save our credibility. It is not easy to make the hard choices and uphold the integrity we claim to have.

Our decisions shape us and eventually define us. When under pressure, many of us will decide to contract and protect our hearts. But when we choose the other way, we give ourselves the chance to flourish and open, and yes - become a better person.